people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
