I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
