she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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