:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Four minutes until I can fart!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Randomize
