no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize