I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
