you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
