Who did Billy Mays play for?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
