I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
