I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
