glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
