Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
