All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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