I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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