please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
