i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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