A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When did angry sex become our thing?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
