They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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