I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
