i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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