Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
