I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
