I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
