first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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