come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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