Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
