you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
