There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
