If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
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THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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