And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
