she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
