guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize