If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
