Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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