my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
