the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
