Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The Olympian is in my bed
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