there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
