I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
