i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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