Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
