hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
