Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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