I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize