i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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