I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
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Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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