The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
