I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
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just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
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Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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