I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
