Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
