yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
