put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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