Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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