your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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