i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
