You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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