I accidentally burped into my bong.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
