I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize