so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
